Posts tagged “military

Marine Corps CH-53E Sea Stallions from HMH-464 Condors, MCAS New River, NC.


Call Me A Fucking Killjoy Already

Captain of the losing team could not be reached for comment

Well, here then is a predictable missive about how this is just another episode in the gigantic fantasy television play that is our life. Perfectly scripted. Of couse, I’m playing my part too, offering up the joykilling skepticism that exists to temper the runaway exuberance of our team winning the championship or cup or golden calf. Look, life, even in its most unpredictable moments, is still predictable. We have a few centuries of written data to suggest how we as a whole and we as individuals might respond in certain situations, so this coming predictability was predictable in and of itself. Meta-predictability. What a world.

I have watched too many B-movies about dystopian futures to not know how this will all play out:
-Media will produce more analyses and “ground breaking exclusives” within the space of a week than there are hours in a month.
-Game studios will break their fucking necks to produce Call Of Duty: Abbottabad
-Two big movie studios will produce documentary-style “adapted from true events” feature films about this, while every other studio will scramble to produce formulaic Rambo-style movies where one oily muscleman kills every terrorist in the world with his glistening pecs. The only difference will be the amount of tannerite and gasoline used in the explosions.
-Pundits and other people who are paid to emit noises for an hour while a camera is pointed at them will argue the merits of not torturing Osama to death, not being brutal enough, and how the entirety of western society is wholly in the pocket of Islam because the SEAL team of professional killers acted as professions would be expected to act and handled the body according to Islamic law.
-Good ol’ boys will drink just enough sterno to get their dander up, finally figger out that since th’ moozlimes aint got thr pope leader feller no more, they be all set t’ tell them ragheads what done fired em from the gas station what fer. They will display true Aryan courage and virtue by drunkenly blundering up to their local mosque or masjid and scrawling hateful messages that would be truly threatening if they were only spelled correctly. Perhaps one of these proud pro-democracy vanguardists will attempt to set fire to or otherwise vandalize these inanimate buildings, in their delirium that destroying a building really does damage a thought process.
-The streets will be filled with people who are generally apolitical, but in the absence of a winning sports team have a deep need to satisfy their desire to hoot and holler while hanging from lightposts.

Obama’s speech wasn’t very long. Given to a quiet room of cameras, the local stations have already taken Obama’s speech and mixed in cheering and crowd noises. I’m certain the crowd singing the National Anthem had absolutely nothing (read: absolutely everything) to do with its placement in the background of one of the slower portions the speech. The packaging and shrink-wrapping has begun even before Osama’s exit wounds have had time to cool. Here’s your Enemy Of Democracy ™, packed when picked to preserve flavor and freshness. Fine execution, although I could wish for the news stations to hire producers with a little more mixing acumen; whomever WTOP has as its overnight producer apparently couldn’t stop masturbating with a flag long enough to wipe his patriotic red-white-and-blue jism off the console to realize that a crowd of a thousand drunken frat boys chanting U S A detracted from the overall gravity of the statement. Oh well, that’s what you get. Next time.

This will be the summer of victory parades, with the Decisive Event happening right on schedule before the start of summer. This way, the National Mall can be packed full of Authentic Military Gadgets before the summer heat can set in. Muncie, Zanesville, San Jon and Rolla can all have their own National Days where everyone can feel good about waving a flag again.

The heat will come. The thunderstorms will wash out the humidity and the pollen, the sun will shine and the earth will continue to rotate about its axis.